As much as I tell myself that something shouldn’t matter so much, it matters a lot.
There’s a lot of things going on with me right now; I just walked out of my job today for the last time. I said goodbye to all the familiar faces I’ve worked with for almost 3 years. I see them this Sunday but, saying goodbye is a hard, and I realize it only when I’m most alone with my thoughts.
The day before, I basically concluded (I have to finish packing the last bag) the packing up of my life. This took me a couple of days, and it’s been kind of a hazy feeling every since. I’m both excited, yet I’m also so close to tears.
So much in the last few days has closed in on itself; my life is stopping but also going on.
Right now I’m quite distraught. I’m feeling pretty filled with emotion about what my life is right now, and I don’t feel like I’m being heard; maybe because I never actually say what I need. I’ll say it now:
I need lots and lots of love right now. I need to be told that I am loved, and that I am important. I need to be told that you can’t wait for me to arrive off the plane, and that you’re going to hug me tight! I need to be told about all the places you want to show me, and that the time we have together will be wonderful. I need to hear that you want me, badly. I need to hear that you’ll take care of me. This is what I need to hear before the biggest journey of my life. I need to hear those very things.
I never want to be selfish but, I feel like I need to be sometimes. This change is much bigger for me than anyone else. It is. It’s tough for me, and I need to say that without feeling bad about it. My needs are valid, and they are important too.