thatswhatevesaid : from 19 to 20

I changed my mind…

I won’t be attending my university lectures, I won’t ask whether you want a Grande or Venti sized latte, and I definitely won’t be used to living beyond the walls of my parents home.

19 was a hard year – I obtained a diploma in makeup, I landed a luxurious position in one of the best designer retailers, I excelled, I met amazing peeps….

 an utter catastrophe, I know.

I wanted to go a different direction, which introduced a butt-load of anxiety. A literal butt-load that costed me my childish perspective of life,  and forced me to re-evaluate who I wanted to be.  The best way to relieve myself of this indescribable doom, was to quit (makeup) and do something else ( dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb).

I didn’t know it at the time, but my anxiety was a wake-up call to real life; I was experiencing many things at once, and I wasn’t ready to handle it. BUT, I was ready to go back to school (coward). I wanted to be a student again, and thrive in the familiarity of old friends, homework, and the same-old-same-old. Basically, sew my ego back together.

The summer of my start-over consisted of working, preparing for school, and volunteering. I had a re-established plan for my future, new experiences as teacher, and an acceptance into university!

Throughout this time, I discovered how different I was becoming too; my room was cleaner, the T.V. was off, I had more clarity, a sense of self, I was thinking more about God, and my thoughts of adventure and independence were prominent.

I wanted to LIVE and break free of myself – my old self in a sense. I wanted to teaching people, work hard, be in new places, meet different people, and be full in the spirit of Christ. Even now it’s riveting to entertain such ideas.

Call it divine intervention, marvelous sorcery, or plain ridiculousness but… I decided to go back into makeup. 

Now, at 20, I’m being considered for a phenomenal position with Tom Ford cosmetics; which requires training from the best- of- the- best in New York City. I’ll also be moving on my own, becoming best friends with Christ, teaching makeup, launching my life, meeting people, and, oh yeah, living!

I changed my mind.

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