Now it’s really hit me. School is out of the way, and you’ve paved a new path for me.
One thing that has always bothered me about times like is, that I always feel neutral; not overly sad or overly happy. Just right in the middle. Normal, I guess.
I hate that! I depend on my feelings. When I feel this way I feel like there’s something off. I feel like I’m suppose to feel one or the other….REALLY HAPPY or REALLY SAD. That’s just the way I am. But instead I feel like I’m dwelling in a grey area.
Maybe it’s just that I have issues with letting go. I put so so so much into the idea of being a Teacher. So much! Now, just like that, I’ve dropped it. Literally dropped my program, my classes – dropped it ALL.
I think I’m grieving. Grieving the loss of a beautiful idea that I nurtured, I loved, and dreamed about. THAT is what I’m having a hard time letting go of! The feelings connected to the idea.
It’s almost like I’m sad about the ‘what could have been.’ I’m split because I won’t get to see that idea prosper into reality.
I want to do so many things in life and because I can’t do everything all it once, it truly saddens me.
BUT. God. You love me, and I love you. We’re a team and you’ve been so good to me.
I trust everything you have in store for me.