How am I suppose to survive this week? I’m used to calling you every night, and this week that’s not happening. I’m all over the place, and I can’t stop thinking about how much I want you here.

This is not pleasant, and I feel more vulnerable than usual. I’m surfing through pictures, videos, and a reel of memories I tuck away in my mind. Why do you have to leave me, and put me through this every year?! It breaks my heart. Plus, my PMS symptoms are not making things any easier.

And another thing: why have I strayed so far from Go? It’s like he’s not important to me anymore; I used to religiously (pun intended) do my devotionals and read from my bible app everyday. My streak was so high, and I would kick myself in the face if I missed a day. Now, I’m too busy with Youtube, Facebook, and Instagram to care about the verse of the day. It’s not right and I know it. I’ve been really beating myself up about it.

I’m going to go repent now, and cry. I miss my forever love….

Can I just talk about him for a sec:

Joseph is my absolute world; I literally feel like I can’t breath with him – that’s a terrible way to feel about someone isn’t it? I feel like o shouldn’t depend on him like life support. But that’s just how I feel about this husband of mine.

I also feel reassured that I’ll be seeing him in a few weeks; that’ll be so nice, and so needed. I don’t understand how we’ve done this; God orchestrated it this way. I’ll have know Jospeh 4 years this coming August and I c ant believe it! I never would have thought HE would be my husband. I’m so proud that he’s mine…always. My lung. My actually lungs. I propose he really doesn’t have a problem with being my lungs, just as long as my hearts set on him too.

I’ll end it here. I’m so tired from making myself so upset. Forgive me dear God. Love you my Joe.