Confessions

So here’s the thing: I’ve developed a sinful habit of gossiping and speaking ill of other people. My reasons for doing so aren’t rational, but I chop it up to wanting to make myself feel important, and fit in amongst my peers.

God has placed the names of a few people that come to mind that I’ve done wrong to, and the reason I’m admitting to my downfalls today; I see that what I’m doing is far from the goodness of God, and for only his sake, I need to make myself right and reveal the hollow sin in my life.

For you, all known to God that I have been mean to and criticized, I am sorry for what I have said about you, and I how I have treated you. It is not right, nor is there an excuse.

I’m regretful of what I’ve done, what I have said, and moreover, how this habit has separated me from one of the most important aspects of my call as daughter of Jesus Christ: to love one another.

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” James 5:16

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For My Joe

Oh, my Joe…

I’ve never adored someone as much as I do you; I thought I had a first love already, then I managed to miss you more, love you more, want you more. And most.

These past 6 months of being married have been at best, the most wonderful times and saddest times of my life. Thank God I have Robert to cuddle at night…I’m of course talking about the teddy bear, Robert (that name was your idea might I remind you).

I’m tired of wishing, and I know someday I won’t have to…I’ll be cuddled up next to you. Right where I meant to be; the safest place for me is anywhere you are.

Your spirit is perfect for mine; I know God is behind our harmony. Like all the rest of life…how has he made such a thing that exceeds me.

I’m honoured that you are mine, and I am yours. I love you further than what my arms can stretch, and beyond any words I can write. My husband, my love.

Loooooooooong Distance 

Dialling. Active Now. Log On. 

End Call. Offline. Log Off. 

I wrap my life up into these things because the most important person in my life lives on the other end of these devices. 

My day actually begins before I sleep, and ends after an hour; a playful phone goodbye, typed hearts, and my favourite, ”I love you more.” 

The best part of my day is when we’re both tired, and have no energy for anyone else but each other. 

Though tonight I’m only tears. The call is over, and I’m alone. End Call. Offline. Log Off. 

I always feel most intense about you when all is done. The technology has ended but I’m still going – still loving – I don’t have an End Call. An Offline. A Log Off, feature. 

At this time I long for you. A long to not be cut off from you. To have actual presence that allows me to touch, gaze at, or sit in pleasant silence. Instead our reality is scheduled and time sensitive.  I can’t settle with that, and I have to. 

A long distance relationship is certainly not an easy task. Though, it’s the task within this task, where we’ve actually created a beautiful task:

We have a relationship that picks-up from where it left off, twice a year (when we see each other) – either in Canada or Utah. It’s a relationship with bad reception, dropped phone calls, glitchy Skype calls, and handwritten notes of our love, with disdain for geography. It’s a relationship I’m excited about every single day/a reminder that each day is just a day we’re still away. 

Our relationship is my greatest testament that has shown me the blessings of commitment, love, loneliness, passion, submission, curtousy, resiliency, happiness, maturity, honesty, pain and joy- all of which repeat themselves. 

Our relationship is questionable because I haven’t discovered what drives me nuts besides that of loving you. 

You are the greatest person I’ve ever met, and Jesus knew we’d be just fine with over 2,500 miles in between. 

So there’s the task within the task. A lot of long waiting,  lot of distance, and copious amount of relationship. 

I’ll call you tonight. 

THIS SHOW. 

Hello Reader of this post, 

As a follower of my beloved Saviour Jesus Christ, I am called to lay out the things of my heart in hope that I plant the seed of truth, and glorify the gospel of Christ. 

In this post, I hope to contribute to the ongoing conversation regarding mental health and suicide. I will also discuss and compare my faith in Christianity in contrast to the novel-turned Netflix original series, 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher. 

In the short but powerful TV drama 13 Reasons Why, the viewing audience is quickly made aware that Hannah Baker is dead.  A troubled high school student that we come to know through several self-recorded tapes, documenting the people and reasons behind her decision to end her life. 
Apart from the extensive and graphic topics of suicide, the series explores mature themes such as: bullying, alcoholism, drug-use, self-harm, domestic violence, gun violence, and rape. 
By the final episode, I was heartbroken and absolutely gutted. 

To me, this series reaffirms the distance between God and all of us; highlighting the penalty of our sin which has brought trial, pain, and suffering to this world. 

Of course I wouldn’t blame Hannah or anyone for feeling pain towards those who did them wrong. This is expected, and in a way, an inherited human trait; without God, our unfortunate circumstances can define us, but it doesn’t have to.
“We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
 each of us has turned to our own way;
 and the Lord has laid on him
 the iniquity of us all.” (Isaiah 53:6 NIV) 

But. What I have stated above, is not the entire gospel truth; for Jesus has felt the pain of sin we committed before and forever. Jesus died in our place, and rose again so that we may have LIFE. His blood shed on the cross is the greatest sacrifice for all human brokenness, human pain, human suffering, and human sin. Our life is restored through a perfect saviour.

In 13 Reasons Why I feel the opposite is true. Death is a logical means to a literal end; relief of self, words and feelings are actually heard, and death represents victory from devastation. It pains me that for some, this is truth. 

My faith has inspired me to believe that we are not meant to die in vain. The intention of Christ for us was never to succumb to the paths of mental, emotional, and physical brokenness. 

In conclusion, I pray in all ways we seek a solution bigger than ourselves. May we flee from evil and put on peace. For our Lord is kind, and turns us from being weathered to renewed in spirit. In Christ’s transformative name, 
“May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.”

2 Thessalonians 3:5 | NIV

May life win. 

Today is the 23rd

1 month since giving my life to Christ. 

3 weeks since I said ‘YES!’ to you.  

It’s Tuesday! 

Today is the 23rd. 

Through peace-covered excitement, and set in stone commitments, I took my life from my hands and sealed my soul to my God, my Saviour, and my eternal friend. 
Then as Daddy’s do for their daughters, I believe, within the peace I had through baptism, He gave me to you. 
It’s been 3 weeks, and I can’t hold in how much I love you. Oh, how Christ has secured our likeness, our faith, and our love – all praises to Him!! 

It’s Tuesday! 

Today is the 23rd. 

Hey : An okCupid Success

It all started with, ‘Hey.’ 

I had just turned 20 years old, and I felt ready to pursue a serious relationship. 
So like any young person these days, I hopped on various online dating apps, including okCupid, and I began my search for said ‘serious relationship.’ 

As a Christian, I hoped to find someone who shared the same foundations as myself, but I was rudely left with only a few matches that fit my compatibility, and I was very unsatisfied by my results.  

Before I flipped the preverbal table of finding true love, I had the grande idea of modifying my location settings to, if I remember correctly…WORLDWIDE. And boy, did that make a world of difference! 

I scrolled for only a moment, and then Joe caught my thumb – he was really cute. 
I clicked. I read. I liked what I saw. 

It all started with, ‘Hey.’ 

Our first conversation on okCupid, turned into long-windy Facebook chats about strange oddities, and questions to figure each other out. Him living in Utah, and I in Canada, had us wondering more about the words we said, but also how we said them; this turned into a surprisingly smooth first Skype call, and then 6 months worth of all of the above. 

I was calling Joe my boyfriend in November, and I hadn’t even held his hand yet. #crazy 

The crazy continued, and we met for the first time in person on January 20th, 2015. We spent the week piecing together all the conversations over text message and Skype; he was a tall-standing 6 foot 4 inches, and I was very pleased by this guy who had caught my thumb a mere few months ago. 

Soon after he left it was my turn to visit; by May of 2015, I flew to Utah, met all of his immediate family, attended his church, met his friends, coworkers, and realized that Joe and this special Utah place, had changed my life as I knew it. 

Today, in May of 2017, I currently live in Canada. I have a dazzling ring fitted on my left hand, and a full heart awaiting a visa allowing me to close the gap between my truest love. 

2 years and 4 months of distance, 6 visits between countries, tons of ‘I miss you’s,’ and I love you more. This is us and, 

It all started with, ‘Hey.’ 

Seventeen & Eighteen

I am writing this in the 19th week of 2017. I’m still harmonizing with the joy, and feelings of week 17/18. I’m absolutely beaming. 
Today, I thank God. 
I made a vow to my Heavenly Father – my God whom I’ll love my whole life through – that nothing will come between us, and that He has my love, my friendship, and my soul until the very end. Amen to our God, and the artist of true love! How blessed I am to know Him. 

It seems that in giving my heart away to Him, I received a wonderful gift in return;
For he – my equal in faith – best friend, lover, and precious partner for life, I love you in all the ways I can, and all the ways God has intended. 
I am consumed by our God, and I am consumed by you; you remain in my memory and my future alike, and my heart for you is an immaculate blessing! 
Today, I thank God. 
“My lover is mine, and I am his.” 

– Song of Solomon 2:16