to love Him, is to love him

I’ve noticed a rather disheartening thing:

I haven’t picked up my Bible in a week, I’ve abandoned the devotional series I’ve been studying, and I also haven’t pinned to my ‘All Jesus Everything’ board on Pinterest for some time now. The gas is a tad low in the faith department.

It’s really been bothering me, and I’ve noticed that I’ve traded my precious ‘grace’ time with God, for ‘screen’ time. It’s not good at all, and it weighs my heart with disappointment.

Though, awareness is key and this is something that I can change.

Another burning thought, or grouping of thoughts that I’ve been processing is that,I have never been baptized. * GASP *

I think if you listen extra hard, you can hear the universal hum of ‘HUH?!’ harmonizing over the rolling hills and valley’s across the Christian community. * GASP AGAIN *

These past few years, I don’t hesitate to acknowledge that I am a follower of Christ. I believe this is my most valuable area of development thus far.

But in all seriousness, baptism should not be dependent on how others feel, but in fact a declaration about how you feel about God; it’s a public ‘I love you,’ that God influences Christians to say just at the right time.

Ever since I began dating the wonderful man in my life, baptism has been a pending thought on my heart and mind. I feel God’s boundless love emulated through my relationship, and this has been a consistent sentiment of God since it began. I’m never short of my I love you’s in my relationship, but I know I have to put this in to practice to the one who allows me to say this: God.

So, what better gift to give than my life back God? He has redeemed my soul, walked with me through all my experiences, and given me the desire to seek him.

Before I commit myself to a man, I must let God be the first to know that I am committed to Him.

May my faith and love continue to flourish, and my heart sing a lifetime of praises!

To love Him, is to love him.

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The Art of Being Out of Control

          One time, I did this cool thing called planning my life. Not all of it of course, but I had a fuzzy idea of what I wanted to make of myself.

          Technically, I was being responsible and making sure that I set all my ducks in a row by figuring out: a career, my likes, my loves, my dislikes, and also discovering myself while of course, having fun — because I’m young, free, and by 25 all will go downhill; including my metabolism, fountain of youth, and childlike wonder (I know there’s a few other drawbacks but, I’m assuming I’ll know when I get there).  The important thing is that I had a plan. 

In the midst of all of this, I re-established and  discovered my image and faith in Jesus Christ. I committed to consciously connect with my Lord and Savior, everyday and all the time.

          I was in control. I had a grip on how I felt things needed to be, when in reality God had been leading the show all along….my life show.

          This little life of mine that I drew up so strategically, is actually developing frayed edges and falling away so gracefully.  I feel like I’m being undone, replanted,  and fully tied up into something extraordinary that only God could have created. My life is shifting in a direction I never imagined for myself and it has subtly, freaked me out.

In a way I’m collapsing into pieces and I’m not even mad about it.

 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and hope. Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT) 

          I can’t  grasp the direction that my life is going, and I’m willing to leave that with God.  My life right now is, extraordinary and unfimiliar. I’m changing and falling in love with every moment, every piece, and every person along the way too.

I’m out of control and God thankfully is in control. I’m falling apart and falling exquisitely into place. How lovely. I’m not even 25.

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13 (NLT)

Why Love Why?

I wish I could be stronger.  Then I wouldn’t feel the need to cry, or be reminded of all the loveliness that causes so much pain.

Love and pain are almost one in the same.  Love feels like too much desire, and pain is the desire itself. Does that make sense? My own feelings have a way of filling me up right to the top, and spilling all over myself…everything is just mess now.

I’m so happy it’s this way though.  This hardness that no one talks about that you feel when love is so painful, it’s almost delightful.

I read somewhere that first loves can be one of the most devastating means of heartbreak.  What if I’m devastated but not heartbroken.  My heart is actually very much together.  It just falls every now and again.

But this must be Jesus? This must be the way Jesus feels when we turn our hearts from him.  That’s heartbreaking.

This man is always bugging my brain.  His face is always showing up when I’m trying to have a good day; I’ll be going out, or seeing a friend, or just doing every day things.  He ruins what was suppose to be a good day. He wonderfully makes the day bright, yet so very dark.  This is a hard thing to go through.  It’s like a flickering light bulb.  How annoying.

But this is God isn’t it? It’s you right? Who else?

How can I know? It’s the way he makes me feel when he’s not even there. I’ll be looking at him, though that fuzzy screen, and WOW, it’s him! His shirt looks great…what a face, I love his face…and UH how I’ve waited to see him actually looking at me! With the same lovey look that I look at him with.  It really gives me so much life.  His far-a-way presence but also so close.

It’s hard to believe that these feelings have been felt over and over, and there expected but DARN, my senses make it feel like the first time they’ve felt such hurt. My feelings bully me everyday….hitting me at all my weak points.

But someday, I imagine that it won’t be like this at all.

It’s overwhelming to think that I’ll be walking into something new very soon. I never imagined that this is what 21 would be like.  A future that involves a lot of love. A lot of it. With the BEST MAN EVER. He really is THE best. I had to put that out there..way into….the universe.

All I can think about is love, marriage, marriage vows, where and when our personalities WILL clash, cooking an actual meal of some sort, that whole ‘me’ to ‘we’ phenomenon, sharing everything, our possible dog, that whole Canadian to American change-over thing, the across the country (universe) moving part….I’m a wife…well…alright.

Why love why? Because God has been good to me.

Love Letter

My Beloved Sovereign Lord and Heavenly Father,

Look how far we have come! When we began we were planting mustard seeds, and now we are standing atop of mountains looking at the flourished scenery.
      
You have overcome all my sin, illuminated my heart, and revived my spirit! Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and you, God, have opened my eyes to see it.
                                                 
Before all of this, my faith was elsewhere and I did not know you.  Life by my own hand was miguided, and riddled with anxiety.
             
Though when I saught you out you anchored my heart.

How wonderful, how enchanting, and how effortlessly you radiate perfection.
 
Your hand has extended to me, and restored my broken heart. Your presence is within me, and I wish to dwell in your grace and bring others into that living place.    

My God, how I love you. You are a wonderful sight to me; for I have found you in the calmness of my morning and the brightness of my nights. How awesome it is that your truth has saturated my spirit.

You are marvelous my God, my Rock, my Redeemer, and eternal love.

My waking desire has been enticed by you, and I am excited for my future; in all the ways that I will draw closer to you. I will have questions, make new discoveries, and encounter the difficulties and joyous parts of your plan for me.

I’m caught up in you dear friend and life long love. For you, Jesus, have all of me.

1 The Lord is my shepherd;
I have all that I need.

2 He lets me rest in green meadows;
he leads me beside peaceful streams.

3 He renews my strength.
He guides me along right paths,
bringing honor to his name.

4 Even when I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will not be afraid,
for you are close beside me.
Your rod and your staff
protect and comfort me.

5 You prepare a feast for me
in the presence of my enemies.
You honor me by anointing my head with oil.
My cup overflows with blessings.

6 Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord
forever.

Psalm 23:1-6

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thatswhatevesaid: Love in 50 shades or less

I’m not usually one to feel so strongly about the plethora of hues, tones, tints, and shades of ‘Grey,’ but this paint palette box-office-blow-out-film reminded me of why it is so vital, as a Christian, to keep God in the forefront of my life. Though 50 Shades of Grey is just a movie, it struck me how much my connection with God can be damaged by giving into some of the world’s simplest ‘pleasures.’ It is only by God that I seek purity and good in my life; especially in my spiritual and romantic relationships.

All 50 shades of it.

As I have pursued and nurtured my own connection with God, I’ve realized that the purest form of love is through Him.  To keep this connection strong, I must be able to recognize the things of this world that can taint and cause spiritual anguish. Thus, I will have to continually guard myself from these things, and keep my faith in check (God’s like, duh).

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. —Ephesians 5:1-3

Out of the love that I have for God and the value that I hold for my own soul, I will be staying far away from any sorts of ‘Grey.’ Grey will simply be, just grey and not a 49th shade more. For this reason, I’m so proud of myself for consciously guarding my spiritual well-being, and mindfully living in a Christ-like way.

23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. 24 Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. 25 Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. 26 Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. 27 Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil. —Proverbs 4:23-27

And for the sake of Valentine’s Day…

The most beautiful thing about the Christian faith is that it is anchored and defined by love.  Jesus Christ, sent by God the Father, represents the mortal archetype of perfect and everlasting love that God deeply feels for his creation.  The idea that Christ laid down his own life for the wrongdoings of humanity is in its truest form, the most wonderful and epic demonstrations of love that will ever be. **roll the credits and cue the music**

In short, God loves you, me, him, and her far too much to be compromised by the impurities of the world. There will be trials and obstacles everywhere in life…

Even in those grey areas.

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thatswhatevesaid: about being rich

How is your soul doing these days?

If you’re stumped and don’t know what I mean, allow Google….

soul
sōl/
noun
1. the spiritual or immaterial part of a human being or animal, regarded as immortal.
 the soul is an ‘immaterial part’ of a living thing –
and that living thing is you, darlin’.

Isn’t that sweet, you have a soul…awe. 

I like to think of my soul as the true version of myself; the guiding principle from within that determines everything about who, and what I am.  It’s kind of a big deal.

Within the past year, I’ve seriously and intimately focused on my spiritual walk with God,

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13 (NIV)

It’s amazing. The happiness, the excitement, and the joy that comes from pursuing the Almighty Creator! Not only that, but the richness that is added to your life….to your soul.

I’m totally with you when you mention how chocolate adds richness to your life too, but I mean rich in the sense of quality or depth overall (in this case, the soul and its correspondence with God).  God has a really good way of way of layin’ it down smooth,

He says:

“Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take, or sit in the company of mockers, (2) But those who delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on His law day and night. (3) That person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruits in season and who’s leaf does not wither — whatever they do prospers!” Psalm 1:1-3 (NIV)

The truth is when you chose God, He makes life awesome.  People often ask me how I can be so positive all the time.  My response rests in the joy from my Savior; I have been provided the luxury of enriching my soul through Jesus.

I believe that the most important thing one can do is find richness in life and take time to know oneself. To develop your ‘immaterial part’ and grow within the likeness of God.

I’m still learning, and I’m aware that I probably will be for a long time. This concept of the soul is difficult to articulate, and even imagine! But, I feel more purpose and delight as I’ve nurtured this urge I feel towards God.

 

So step aside, I’m rich.

 

 

 

 

 

 

thatswhatevesaid: about being fabulous… *hair flip*

Kenya Moore (Real Housewives of Atlanta), expressed it well when she described herself as being “Gone With the Wind, fabulous.”

That’s right. GONE. WITH. THE. DARN. WIND. FABULOUS.

Not only did she reference a classic- novel-turned- box-office-hit, she confidently expressed how fabulous she truly thinks she is.

Let’s all take a seat shall we?

When examining Proverbs 31:25 in the Bible, it states:

“She is clothed in strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.”

I love this verse; I feel every woman should carry and view herself in this way.

Just think where we’d be, if we all pulled and strapped in our strength and dignity for the day, and cackled boldly at tomorrow?!

I think I can see the Gone With the Wind meeting your fabulous, girl.

More importantly as a woman of God,  I believe it’s important to not only study the Word and understand the vision of Jesus Christ, but also express it in daily life. God wants us ALL to think of ourselves as as strong, dignified, and confident beings!

Let’s all agree to be fabulous. *hair flip*

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