Loooooooooong Distance 

Dialling. Active Now. Log On. 

End Call. Offline. Log Off. 

I wrap my life up into these things because the most important person in my life lives on the other end of these devices. 

My day actually begins before I sleep, and ends after an hour; a playful phone goodbye, typed hearts, and my favourite, ”I love you more.” 

The best part of my day is when we’re both tired, and have no energy for anyone else but each other. 

Though tonight I’m only tears. The call is over, and I’m alone. End Call. Offline. Log Off. 

I always feel most intense about you when all is done. The technology has ended but I’m still going – still loving – I don’t have an End Call. An Offline. A Log Off, feature. 

At this time I long for you. A long to not be cut off from you. To have actual presence that allows me to touch, gaze at, or sit in pleasant silence. Instead our reality is scheduled and time sensitive.  I can’t settle with that, and I have to. 

A long distance relationship is certainly not an easy task. Though, it’s the task within this task, where we’ve actually created a beautiful task:

We have a relationship that picks-up from where it left off, twice a year (when we see each other) – either in Canada or Utah. It’s a relationship with bad reception, dropped phone calls, glitchy Skype calls, and handwritten notes of our love, with disdain for geography. It’s a relationship I’m excited about every single day/a reminder that each day is just a day we’re still away. 

Our relationship is my greatest testament that has shown me the blessings of commitment, love, loneliness, passion, submission, curtousy, resiliency, happiness, maturity, honesty, pain and joy- all of which repeat themselves. 

Our relationship is questionable because I haven’t discovered what drives me nuts besides that of loving you. 

You are the greatest person I’ve ever met, and Jesus knew we’d be just fine with over 2,500 miles in between. 

So there’s the task within the task. A lot of long waiting,  lot of distance, and copious amount of relationship. 

I’ll call you tonight. 

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Mustard Seeds

He told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.  Matthew 13:31-32

I realized today in church that I’ll be doing some major ‘seed planting’ this year, next month, a few years, and preferably, a lifetime from now. 

Today, I was mainly fixed on the idea that next month I’ll have a new birthday. I’m getting baptized!

I turned 22 in June, but as of August I’ll be a bright, glowing, puffy – eyed newborn —- taking my first breathes of God-renewed life as a born-again, Christian. 

I’m thrilled to be taking the plunge (literally) and professing all that I have been given in life, back to the Creator of my life! 

My life-long commitment —- I’m sewing my soul with my greatest discovery, my truest friend, and my only hope. 

I’m not even there yet, and I’m feeling a mountains worth of grace-upon-grace-upon- grace. 

Look out trees…I’m’a comin’ 



truly complete 

Something I’ve learned from the Bible is this: God is the essential to life and love; holding our smallest wants to our grandest purposes between his almighty palms. Evidently we are lost without God; his imprint on our hearts and lives is necessary to fill us completely, otherwise we turn to the world for this ‘fill’ instead.

 


 

Me Before You inspires a tender message of the power of compassion, the complexities of life, love, and also has two really good Ed Sheeran songs.

I was swept up one summer’s eve, when I saw the movie trailer about a physically disabled man and his caregiver falling in deep L-O-V-E, love. Aside from the appropriateness of this relationship, one is quickly clued in as to why this story will indeed, rip. your. heart. out.

The charming but disturbed leading man, Will Traynor, and the adorable but clueless, Louisa Clark, take us on a journey of what it’s about to ‘live bodly,’ while tackling the controversial ideas of choosing to die when the boldness of life seem impossible to attain.

Throughout the story, one naturally sympathizes with Will Traynor; a young man who once lived on the highest levels of success, adventure, and excitement — now after years of little improvement and compromised goals, he is left bitter, depressed, and tormented by the limitations of his life as a quadriplegic man; this which encourages his conclusions of ending his own life after the duration of six months.

Admirably Louisa is set on changing his mind, and takes it upon herself to think up fun/inspiring ideas to help Will realize the value to his life and her love for him despite his focus on his own disabilities. Her professional role as caregiver quickly turns to an urgent personal responsibility of fighting for life, love, and hope.

The final impression from this story was partly inspirational, incredibly sweet, and sad. It goes to show that I’ll always be a sucker for anything lovely-dovey, and anything A Walk to Remember-ish. I loved this book/film, but I’m left with that half-hearted feeling…like something didn’t quite settle properly.

Frankly, the love between two people fell short. All efforts failed. Sad, but true.

( *Hold the phone* )

How possible is it that the underlying innuendo of all this is that, everything falls short without God at the centre? When we depend solely on ourselves or each other, and do not look to God, the perfect author, maker, and teacher of completeness, we are headed for complete despair.

Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.  The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. Romans 8:5-6

God is the only avenue of true love and life. We can rely on ourselves but love from God is the only thing that can truly save us. He is a faithful lover of his creation, and He hopes for us to naturally seek him to find ultimate completeness in Him. He is the only way we can completely love, completely live, and completely change and transform our minds. He is eternal love and eternal life. We die without God, and everything else is an unreliable source.

Ultimately, I think the “tell me something good” message of Me Before You was meant to emphasize that life is meant to be lived, and not lived through. Everyone has the potential to be bold, and become their best self. But, life and love are gifts that don’t have to be accepted —- the choice is ours.

But God outlines a different option that unwraps our despair, and fills us with meaning, life, and love.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

 

 

 

 

The 5 Month Curve

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen for for what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18

I had my good cry already.

I cried because I came to the realization that May is not October, it’s a month that only happens in the fall, and it’ll be five months and a country away from another visit.

I’ve stretched my fingers into a large ‘L’ formation across my forehead to emphasize my sad conclusions.

Take that October! You’re an ‘L’ formation!

Rest assured, no matter the time, no matter the distance —- my heart will break from the absence but, the ache and the wait are forces I can withstand.

Take heart, God reminds us to,

“Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually.” 1 Chronicle 16:11

I believe when God asks for us to seek Him he is thrilled by our desire, our intention to draw close, to praise, and to prioritize his truth in life. This is meant to be done always and ‘continually’ as the verse suggests.

I’m definetly a fan of setting new goals, improving my understanding and learn to better equip myself in the Word.

Through willingness and freedom through Christ, I want to take it upon myself as He did for me, and refresh the friendship that I have in Jesus; observe new ideas, places, spaces I have not yet seen. I hope to plant seeds in my spirit, and bloom more and more and more.

What better time than now?

—- Timeline —-

June 2016: Ephesians Devotional Series // Book study
July 2016: Philippians Devotional Series // Book Study
August 2016: Baptism // Colossians Devotional Series
September 2016: The Resurrected Life (14 Day) // Book study
October 2016: Proverbs: The Way of Wisdom (28 Day) // Book study
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to love Him, is to love him

I’ve noticed a rather disheartening thing:

I haven’t picked up my Bible in a week, I’ve abandoned the devotional series I’ve been studying, and I also haven’t pinned to my ‘All Jesus Everything’ board on Pinterest for some time now. The gas is a tad low in the faith department.

It’s really been bothering me, and I’ve noticed that I’ve traded my precious ‘grace’ time with God, for ‘screen’ time. It’s not good at all, and it weighs my heart with disappointment.

Though, awareness is key and this is something that I can change.

Another burning thought, or grouping of thoughts that I’ve been processing is that,I have never been baptized. * GASP *

I think if you listen extra hard, you can hear the universal hum of ‘HUH?!’ harmonizing over the rolling hills and valley’s across the Christian community. * GASP AGAIN *

These past few years, I don’t hesitate to acknowledge that I am a follower of Christ. I believe this is my most valuable area of development thus far.

But in all seriousness, baptism should not be dependent on how others feel, but in fact a declaration about how you feel about God; it’s a public ‘I love you,’ that God influences Christians to say just at the right time.

Ever since I began dating the wonderful man in my life, baptism has been a pending thought on my heart and mind. I feel God’s boundless love emulated through my relationship, and this has been a consistent sentiment of God since it began. I’m never short of my I love you’s in my relationship, but I know I have to put this in to practice to the one who allows me to say this: God.

So, what better gift to give than my life back God? He has redeemed my soul, walked with me through all my experiences, and given me the desire to seek him.

Before I commit myself to a man, I must let God be the first to know that I am committed to Him.

May my faith and love continue to flourish, and my heart sing a lifetime of praises!

To love Him, is to love him.

Rose Colored Glasses

Passing by the wide open lake waters is the highlight of riding the train; it never matters what the weather is like, it’s persistently blissful – never interrupted – mesmerizing and zestful.

Even when you scan the glances of those riding the train, all attention is drawn to the peaceful scene out the window.

It’s a feast for the eyes to see, and respectfully, worth much more than one thousand words; it’s shiny, it’s bright, and it’s natural wonderment.

It’s the work of a detailed artist. God.

But…and there is always a but.

What is it about the goodness in life that we as humans love to hate, or tarnish in some way?

It feels necessary to deem things as ‘too-good-to-be-true’ a dream, or unreal.

Afterall, we know that roses have thorns too, right?

I frequently struggle with my rose colored ideas, and try to build a box of logic and ‘realistic’ comprehension around them. That usually results in a ruined idea, a sad conclusion, and a headache.

My pastor recently said,

“Faith is not blind leaping into the dark; faith is informed trust. It’s about facts, and it’s about encounter.”

I wouldn’t say my joy is fluffy and weightless in nature, but rather unmoving and sincere.

I would assume that this is the difference between sheer naivety and carelessness, and the awesome and strategic leaping (for joy) of God’s desires for ones life; ‘informed trust,’ and conscious faith.

Allowing myself to be dictated by ideals that aren’t anchored in God serves no purpose. God goes beyond all our logic and perpectives.

“However, as it is written: what no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived – the things of God has prepared for those who love him.” 1 Corinthians 2:9

I think it’s astounding the way that God calls upon us in life. It’s unimaginable, dream – like, and far too rosey for even the ‘wiser’ ones among us.

But I believe, from the top to the bottom of my heart, that God only works perfectly and our logic is over – delighted by such things.

Everything just may be as it seems.

For God loves me more than I can see. He is in me, and I in Him – these blessings are a Heavenly thing, and the roses are lovely.
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Sacrifice & Submit

 

sac·ri·fice
ˈsakrəˌfīs
noun
    1. an act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy.  
sub·mit
səbˈmit
verb
  1. accept or yield to a superior force or to the authority or will of another person.

Every day, Christians are called to put themselves aside; defuse their sense of all former opinions, feelings, and needs to demonstrate the truth of Jesus Christ. We must sacrifice all of ourselves and submit to Christ.

“So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” 1 Peter 5:6

This is a marvelous form of love between God and his creation. It is God’s reminder for us that he is God, and we are not, and that he brings worth to life.  But I feel,  the act of submitting to God, or anything, fuels confusion and negativity initially when presented. After all, it’s in our nature to rebel against God (Adam and Eve for instance), and go our own way.

 But, we are to accept the authority of Christ and strive to be like Him in ALL that we do. *sugar-coating you’ve been denied*

Truly, I believe that this is the way things are meant to be; just as the sun rises in morning, your heart beats, and a man loves a woman.

This strikes a cord because, ‘being like Christ’ is not an easy task;  I feel like a terrible person because I’m chronically disappointed in what I’ve said, done or not done, and the times that I know I’m clearly in the wrong. It’s a slow backward-forward progression of ‘I’ve got this, ‘ and ‘oops, nevermind.’

I have only the mortal extent of my own mind to imagine the pain that God felt when he released his only child to a world full of loss, danger, and sin. Above all, this in turn would be light to a world otherwise flooded with decay and disgrace.

I suppose that answers the question of  ‘What would Jesus do?’ and it inspires the ways in which I am to live; sometimes it may feel like more than I can bear but, God did it, correct?

“Submit to God, and you will have peace; then things will go well for you” Job:22:21

As for the heaviness I feel for being a fully-flawed-fragile-human, I know that my choice to embed God, and his ‘holiness’ into every crevice and crack of my life is THE best and most important thing that I will ever decide to do in my life. God gave his son for my sake, and the life I have represents a thank you note back to Him.

Really the alternative is to live life the way I choose, and reap the consequences of my carelessness, OR submit to a loving saviour who passionately wants to be evident throughout my life — adding worth and meaning every single day.

In close, when you sacrifice your former dumb human ways and realize the purity and direction that Jesus has set out for you, ”What would Jesus do?” turns out to be a pretty important question. That is sugar coated but…ain’t it sweet!

As I evolve in my faith and draw closer to God, I guarantee I will be eternally pleased.

And get this… so will He. 

“But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in the mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like.  But if you carefully look into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.” James 2:22-25

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