Loooooooooong Distance 

Dialling. Active Now. Log On. 

End Call. Offline. Log Off. 

I wrap my life up into these things because the most important person in my life lives on the other end of these devices. 

My day actually begins before I sleep, and ends after an hour; a playful phone goodbye, typed hearts, and my favourite, ”I love you more.” 

The best part of my day is when we’re both tired, and have no energy for anyone else but each other. 

Though tonight I’m only tears. The call is over, and I’m alone. End Call. Offline. Log Off. 

I always feel most intense about you when all is done. The technology has ended but I’m still going – still loving – I don’t have an End Call. An Offline. A Log Off, feature. 

At this time I long for you. A long to not be cut off from you. To have actual presence that allows me to touch, gaze at, or sit in pleasant silence. Instead our reality is scheduled and time sensitive.  I can’t settle with that, and I have to. 

A long distance relationship is certainly not an easy task. Though, it’s the task within this task, where we’ve actually created a beautiful task:

We have a relationship that picks-up from where it left off, twice a year (when we see each other) – either in Canada or Utah. It’s a relationship with bad reception, dropped phone calls, glitchy Skype calls, and handwritten notes of our love, with disdain for geography. It’s a relationship I’m excited about every single day/a reminder that each day is just a day we’re still away. 

Our relationship is my greatest testament that has shown me the blessings of commitment, love, loneliness, passion, submission, curtousy, resiliency, happiness, maturity, honesty, pain and joy- all of which repeat themselves. 

Our relationship is questionable because I haven’t discovered what drives me nuts besides that of loving you. 

You are the greatest person I’ve ever met, and Jesus knew we’d be just fine with over 2,500 miles in between. 

So there’s the task within the task. A lot of long waiting,  lot of distance, and copious amount of relationship. 

I’ll call you tonight. 

THIS SHOW. 

Hello Reader of this post, 

As a follower of my beloved Saviour Jesus Christ, I am called to lay out the things of my heart in hope that I plant the seed of truth, and glorify the gospel of Christ. 

In this post, I hope to contribute to the ongoing conversation regarding mental health and suicide. I will also discuss and compare my faith in Christianity in contrast to the novel-turned Netflix original series, 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher. 

In the short but powerful TV drama 13 Reasons Why, the viewing audience is quickly made aware that Hannah Baker is dead.  A troubled high school student that we come to know through several self-recorded tapes, documenting the people and reasons behind her decision to end her life. 
Apart from the extensive and graphic topics of suicide, the series explores mature themes such as: bullying, alcoholism, drug-use, self-harm, domestic violence, gun violence, and rape. 
By the final episode, I was heartbroken and absolutely gutted. 

To me, this series reaffirms the distance between God and all of us; highlighting the penalty of our sin which has brought trial, pain, and suffering to this world. 

Of course I wouldn’t blame Hannah or anyone for feeling pain towards those who did them wrong. This is expected, and in a way, an inherited human trait; without God, our unfortunate circumstances can define us, but it doesn’t have to.
“We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
 each of us has turned to our own way;
 and the Lord has laid on him
 the iniquity of us all.” (Isaiah 53:6 NIV) 

But. What I have stated above, is not the entire gospel truth; for Jesus has felt the pain of sin we committed before and forever. Jesus died in our place, and rose again so that we may have LIFE. His blood shed on the cross is the greatest sacrifice for all human brokenness, human pain, human suffering, and human sin. Our life is restored through a perfect saviour.

In 13 Reasons Why I feel the opposite is true. Death is a logical means to a literal end; relief of self, words and feelings are actually heard, and death represents victory from devastation. It pains me that for some, this is truth. 

My faith has inspired me to believe that we are not meant to die in vain. The intention of Christ for us was never to succumb to the paths of mental, emotional, and physical brokenness. 

In conclusion, I pray in all ways we seek a solution bigger than ourselves. May we flee from evil and put on peace. For our Lord is kind, and turns us from being weathered to renewed in spirit. In Christ’s transformative name, 
“May the Lord direct your hearts into God’s love and Christ’s perseverance.”

2 Thessalonians 3:5 | NIV

May life win. 

The Art of Being Out of Control

          One time, I did this cool thing called planning my life. Not all of it of course, but I had a fuzzy idea of what I wanted to make of myself.

          Technically, I was being responsible and making sure that I set all my ducks in a row by figuring out: a career, my likes, my loves, my dislikes, and also discovering myself while of course, having fun — because I’m young, free, and by 25 all will go downhill; including my metabolism, fountain of youth, and childlike wonder (I know there’s a few other drawbacks but, I’m assuming I’ll know when I get there).  The important thing is that I had a plan. 

In the midst of all of this, I re-established and  discovered my image and faith in Jesus Christ. I committed to consciously connect with my Lord and Savior, everyday and all the time.

          I was in control. I had a grip on how I felt things needed to be, when in reality God had been leading the show all along….my life show.

          This little life of mine that I drew up so strategically, is actually developing frayed edges and falling away so gracefully.  I feel like I’m being undone, replanted,  and fully tied up into something extraordinary that only God could have created. My life is shifting in a direction I never imagined for myself and it has subtly, freaked me out.

In a way I’m collapsing into pieces and I’m not even mad about it.

 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and hope. Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT) 

          I can’t  grasp the direction that my life is going, and I’m willing to leave that with God.  My life right now is, extraordinary and unfimiliar. I’m changing and falling in love with every moment, every piece, and every person along the way too.

I’m out of control and God thankfully is in control. I’m falling apart and falling exquisitely into place. How lovely. I’m not even 25.

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15:13 (NLT)

thatswhatevesaid: about lost souls, tears, and Wednesdays

I can honestly say, I’m not he most honest person.

But, I’m going to be honest with you…

My life changed on August 20, 2014.

I listened, I prayed, and I cried like a waterfall –  It certainly was not cute.

 

The past two weeks, I’ve been attending a connect group at C4.  We have been studying the series called, Soul Keeping: Caring for the Most Important Part of You.  The series was broken down into 6 video sessions, lead by bestselling author and pastor, John Ortberg.

It’s a phenomenal series that realistically digests and guides you through the concept of the human soul, and how these explanations can then be applied to our relationship with God.  Regretfully, I was only present for the last two sessions, and my explanation of the series may not be fully developed, though that was more than enough to change everything!

Last night, what really hit home was the explanation of the ‘slowness of God’ ,

Frederick Faber explains,

“In the spiritual life [God chooses] to try our patience first of all by his slowness… He is slow; we are swift and                          precipitate.  It is because we are but for a time, and he has been from eternity….”

 

 

This post was suppose to pan out differently but, this feels like a nice place to conclude.

 

I’m taking it slow…
image